On the eighth day, God created Georges, and He saw that it was good. On the ninth day, George created a gun, and he shot himself!

Put a bullet into my head and you will have assisted me in the best way. I will trip and start to fall, and as I fall, I will start to call back all that I really hold dear in my life, without any confusion, without doubt. The uncertainty of my love for a girl who wanted to live with me forever; and I wasn’t sure. It turns out I’m not sure only because I found her, and it was a bless; a bless that I had to be confused about as I am about everything else in this world. I should have married X. X was nice. She loved me. We would have made a great family. I should have married X.

I can see now my family. What a cool birthday I had in fifth grade. I was over the moon; they were the coolest family ever. And my Dad, oh if I could freeze this moment for a while, and go sit with my Dad, talk to him. He has a very warm and gentle smile on his face with those peaceful wrinkles… He used to send me messages while I am at work, a couple of hours away, saying: “Dear Son, I love you : )”. That’s it! And I often thought of leaving him and going away?!

I should have married X. I would’ve been happy and would’ve made him very happy.

Ohh, what a tough fall. The ground is so cold. I like sleeping on the ground. I feel so much at home with those little ants carrying tiny particles of dust and moving hastily as if a prize. What’s next, I wonder. I remember all that confusion I had in my mind thinking about life, about God, about the after-life. What will happen when we die? Would some old looking fellas with blood on their shirts, and bullets stuffed inside their brains show up at once, cheer me and help me up the floor, and tell me: “Man, what took you so long?” Would I be surrounded by vacuum, silent and complete in a deserted space? Are angels coming to take me now? Blackness, that’s all I see. Or is it going to stay like this forever? It’s so cold in here…

I wonder whether my conscious mind would get back to think again. I wonder if I ‘m really going to turn into a butterfly and re-enter the world through that distant hole in the blackness, resurrected, incarnated?

It will all be over in seconds; and so, I will know the Truth, and get introduced to all the mysteries of the world unlocked. What was it I should be saying? Oh, my prayers.. I remember an ancient Egyptian prince, who wrote on the walls of his temple: “ان قلب الانسان هو الهه، و قد كان قلبي مرتاحا لأعمالي”… or was it something else I should be saying?

Ohh, what happened to my strength? I’m just a paralyzed body lying bound on the floor. I can move my eyes, but my sight is hazy. I want to sleep. I want to close my eyes and dream…